Day 9

Well hello, it's been a while but right now this is my life, farm, clean, me time, bed, and repeat. Me and boy are on much better terms. Story short I think he realizes how serious I am about this and I've definitely seen an improvement and for those who have no idea what I am talking about it probably sounds like I am trying to change him and that's not at all and I am too lazy to explain it all haha maybe another night but things are just perfect between us, well at this moment they are <3 .
Tonight's goal is to organize a calendar and figure out stuff because there are so many that want to hang with me and stuff I want to do and I want to hang with them to but I just need to see what days I'm free, I don't mean to sound like I am the shit if that's what your thinking like I have so many friends but there's about 9 people that I all want to hang out this summer and I am trying to make it work so I can hang with them all not necessarily at the same time but soon bc some I haven't seen in a long time and I feel bad but at the end of the night I am tired out and the work I do I don't even get paid a lot because it's on my parents farm but I don't want a job right now. I help out my sister so it's nice to know that she can get me whenever you know? And the other days I just work at the farm.
It's nice because this year my two Aunts and cousins are helping which I love because I have gotten to get close to them and not in that way but like I have never been that close to them. Family reunions have always been awkward it's like who do I talk to ? I don't know I get what I am trying to say and I guess that it's all that matters but it's been nice. It makes me enjoy what I am doing so much more but pretty soon strawberry season will be over and we won't need them anymore which makes me sad :( . But next time there s a family reunion I'll know who to talk to . :) I also plan on visiting them so that makes me happy. They've got a lot of really cool pets and I feel like this will only bring us closer and closer. It just makes me feel so happy inside. You know that feeling inside where at that moment life just seems so great and perfect?
Well I've got 9 more minutes lol until it's 9pm and then it's finish my friends graduation video that I'm putting together for her since I was the official video taper at her grad." lol Which also makes me happy because...
The boy has transferred to my school which makes me soo happy so when we get our schedules we'll have to show each others and stuff and his is a one year program so we will be graduating at the same time. :) <3
Well that's about it. I've got fireworks on Monday to go to with Sondra. Did I ever mention her? Well she and I have become really close ever since we started school together in September. She's in the same program as me and we had  met about a year and half before that and now we've been besties for over two years now.
I love that girl . I'm even trying to hook her up with the cousin. lol Or at least show him that there are other fish in the sea if you get what I am saying.
Anyways toot a loo's :)
- A -

Day 8

I'm back and I know chances are no one will ever read this but me but I'm fine with that. It's like my journal, except I really don't care if you read it. My life is crazy and there is always something happening. I've always got a story to tell.

So field placement is over and I got an A. I wrote to boy and the next day he responded. We had both agreed that we would just start fresh. I texted good morning but he responded that he was going back to bed so I said okay just text me later he said okay but did I hear from him? Of course not. I'm giving him a week which I think is beyond fair. I don't get it. Things were great and then slowly we started drifting. I tried to keep holding on but it's pretty hold to grab onto something when the other is not.

I'm not going to be the kind of girl who keeps trying. That's dumb. To me that just screams out needy and I am not. I don't need him. Do I want him? Yes, I thought he was amazing but now not so much. My friend was right. She said that he would just do this again and I really didn't think so but what the hell? Like ugh this really pisses me off. I don't want my summer to be of confusion but I still have no idea what the is going on between us. If I don't hear from him by this Friday then I am saying good bye. Like ugh I just want to smack him I'm so mad at him!

Ugh why can't I find a boyfriend! :( I'm not saying I need a boyfriend. I've been single for pretty much my whole life with a few boyfriends here and there but I'm at an age where I know who I am inside and out, I love myself for who I am and I am ready to share my life with someone. I really thought we had a shot but now not so sure.

Like is this how you would treat me if we were dating ? Because you don't ignore your girlfriend and I am not saying were dating but if you like someone aren't you suppose to show an interest?

Anyways I pretty much just talked about him the whole time but other then that life is going alright, got an A in field placement so that's great :)

I'll talk to you all later. T SWIFT this weekend!! :)

xo

- A -

Day 7

So it is now the end of May (May 20th). How crazy is that! I just finished my third week of field placement and am loving it for the most part. I've been staying on top of things and am in bed every night by 9 - 10pm.

Let's see what have you missed, hmm.....

Well I finished my exams and passed them all except for this one which I am almost done and am certain this time that I will.

Since field placement (that's what the course I am taking is called) has started I have talked to boy 3 times now or maybe it was only twice. Once was the Monday  I think it was of my 2nd week he had texted Miss you and then said going back to bed which wasnt really romantic if you ask me (like sweet) it was kind of like aww thanks ? I told him I would text him on my break and did. I told him that I missed him too and I only ignored him because he wasn't texting me back. I gave up on texting him if he wasn't going to respond. I didn't hear back from him so I said whatever. If he wants to talk to me he can find a way and he should know by now that if he isn't hearing back from me that means I texted but he never got it. He can call me or message me or something. I really do hope things happen between us, and if not I'll be bummed but hey what are you going to do, shit happens at least I say I tried but if nothing doesnt then what else is I let him be my first kiss and he knows that and he took that away and what did I get nothing.
I did however get a weakness. I was downtown for my friends birthday and I was by myself sitting down, I think about him all the time and I texted him hi but never heard from him so I wonder if he didn't get the text. I hope he didn't because I  need to be stronger then that. When my 5 weeks are done I'm going to message him because this way I know he'll get it like there's no way he can say I never got it and be like

"I'm done field placement but I don't want to be done with you. I don't want us to barely talk but instead I want it to go back to like December where we would all the time and I understand that your busy and I'm busy and there's a slim chance that we can do that but I'm sure there is a chance we can still talk. I don't want to keep doing this, I get a text from you and it's the best thing ever and I'll text you back and you don't respond and if your not getting it then find another way to talk back to me. I miss texting you every morning when I get up, I miss talking to you I miss your pokes and your hugs :( Now that I am done and can finally start my summer I need to know what is happening to us. If you have no intention of seeing me and where things can go then just let me go now so I can move on. You said you will tell me that if you don't want to hang with me or talk to me then you'll say that but the thing is I never hear from you. This is not what I thought things would come between us and it has.

It's going to go a little something like that and he will be going to my school in September which I love but I wont if he doesn't talk to me and if something does happen between us and he does come to my school, I'll feel like the luckiest girl in the world. <3

This is probably super long just like my first ones but that's because I haven't typed on this in forever!  It hasn't been a priority but now that this is coming to an end and summer vacation is starting I'm sure there will be more to come. Anyways I'm going to bed now. It's 930 and I'm exhausted.

Oh and apparently the world is suppose to die tomorrow. I don't believe that but there is always this paranoia . I might die a virgin but at least I can say that I've been kissed lol. Apparently god is choosing those he wants to go to heaven and then the rest he will torture till October.

So I guess we will see. It's also my nieces birthday tomorrow, the one who will be 15. Ya the one I don't see anymore. Ya that one. Joy -_- But I'm going to email her.

Anyways peace I'm going to sleep for sure this time I'm not just saying it.

- A-

Day 6

So once again it's been forever since I have written here and it just hasn't been a priority.

I have my first exam starting tomorrow and my last one starting Thursday.
So ya life has been pretty crazy and next week I start field placement as well.

Oh I was on television for our school's "vote mob" they told us to dress in our Canadian colour's and show our Canadian pride (:  ( haha you can't see right now but it say's I'm spelling colour wrong and it's like sorry spell check but I am Canadian and therefore we spell it like colour and not color like collar because were Canadian and there fore we rock (:

But ya I'm on TV and I don't really make sense but that's because they caught  me off guard and no one was saying anything but I know I made my professor's proud and I bet it'll look good on our exam for an extra bonus mark ;)

tehehe

anyways I have to be up at 6 so I'm going to sleep now (:

good night and sweet dreams (:

Oh and happy Easter to those who celebrate it.
The Easter bunny didn't show up to our house this year unfortunately but we did have our Easter dinner.

Anyways now I am going to bed, for sure this time,

- A-

Day 5

Hey yall,
The last couple of days have kinda been crazy. Great things have happened but so have some well not so great.

What should we start with, the good or the bad ?
Ah lets get the bad out of the way.

Well last Monday I was suppose to go to court to stand as a witness for my brother, because I've been supervising his visits with his daughter my niece.  I really don't want to go to into detail into it, it's just stupid is what this whole situation is that and lies. My brother is a great dad and she's his whole world but now she doesn't want to see him and I have a good feeling that her mother is behind all of this but the lawyer said that it doesn't matter if she doesn't want to see you then there is nothing he can do about it and the thing I don't get either is he still has to pay child support. RIDICULOUS! 3 more years though that's all he has but were still going to her skating competitions , no one can stop us from doing that unless they get a restraining order on us but can they do that for a whole family? I just find it hard to believe that all of a sudden she just wants to cut him and the rest of his family out of her life.

On a happier note..
I got perfect on all of the assignments handed back to me on Friday which is a first, made me feel so great except for one I got an 8 out of 10 but still that's awesome, I felt so good because I never get that high of a mark. I couldn't stop smiling (:

Ya so I'm not giving up, one day she'll wake up and realize that she's only hurting herself and I'll get my best friend back, okay she wasn't like my best friend because I wouldn't tell her everything about my social life but we were definitely close and I know she looked up to me.

I never knew my dad (I'm adopted, can't remember if I told you that but I am) he was never a part of my life, I don't even know what he looks like I just have a name that's about it so she should be happy that he want's to be in her life .

Peace I'm hungry and then I'm going back to working on assignments.

- A -

Day 4

So today was cool I guess, I felt like we really didn't do a lot of work in my classes today but it was still interesting. In my first class we talked about sexuality and all that fun stuff ( and I'm not being sarcastic :) )
and then we had guest speakers come into our other class which I happened to know one of the people. I asked my professor "Is that so and so?! " and she looked at her paper and she s like yes and I'm like I know her and so she s all like go say hi so I did and we chatted a bit before class then as everyone sat down she said "We even have a student that knows you, she was so excited as if you were Justin Beiber or something?" Haha not even close. I was happy to see her but if it was Justin Beiber I would of definitely been a little more excited. Yes that's right I have the Beiber fever and know I don't have a crush on him , he reminds me of a 12 year boy but he's got good songs. (:

So that was my day oh and I found out my one assignment is due next week not next so it gives me a ncie little break and can work on other important things  and play the piano. I'm starting back into that again and when I mean play I know the notes on the piano like where they are located and how to read music  but thats it I'm starting to do chords but I don't think my hands will ever be able to move in two different places and they are just to small to reach for the 7ths I think they are where it's you go 7 notes up from where you are. But ya so I'm going back to work now.

Toot a loos :)

- A -

Day 3 : What a day

Hey everyone, when I say what a day, I don't mean that is was so fantastic today or that it was so horrible today or even that I did so many things today, when I say "What a day" I mean weather wise. 


Right now it is so hot in my room, and it's always like this but I feel like today it has been extra hot. Right now I'm on the verge of sweating. It was so nice out today that maybe that's why it's so extra warm in here then usual. It's crazy to think that about 11 days ago  it was snowing out and today we had 70 degree weather. Now that's the kind of weather I like. The kind where you can wear shorts and a t shirt and feel warm but not gross disgusting humid so hot kind of weather. 


Last night my nephew slept over and we put up a tent in my living room. I slept alright although  he probably slept better then I did. A couple of times he was sleeping on me or had is arm around me and I just felt claustrophobic. I don't like it when people are all up in my space when I sleep, I need to be by myself lol. (Laugh out loud for all of you small percentage out their that don't know what it means or for me so when I look back on this and go what the frick or wtf for short is lol? ) 


I got most of what I needed to get done , done. I still have to work on my one report and finish my other. I have to go to court this week as a witness but fortunately I don't know when and I wish I did because it's totally screwing with me because I don't know when I'll have time to get the stuff done I need to get done.  


Well I'm going to keep it short, I  feel like when I'm not doing homework that I get all stressed because I should be doing homework, ever since field placement I've been getting this feeling that I should be doing something 24/7 and shouldn't be taking a break, well I mean for sleep of course but other than that I shouldn't be. 


So ya I'm going to bed, I'm hoping that the trial is tues so I miss school and it doesn't inturupt the rest of my time. 

Day 3 : It's too early for homework

So it's about 9:30 am, and I feel like I just woke up, although really I got up at 8am I still feel like it's too early to do homework.

So let me catch you all up on what I've been doing for the last couple of days. Hmm lets see, well I told you all about Wednesday and then Thursday happened and I babysat, then I had my orthodontist appointment and every time I lay down in that chair I want to sleep lol, when I get up I feel so relaxed that I don't want to drive home or wherever I'm going. In September of 2010 they told me that it would probably be less then a year and I would be done but it's now almost mid April which is crazy to believe! and I still only see a small progress in my teeth, ugh I can't wait to get them off I feel like I have had them on my whole life but really it's only been a little over 2 years. They said that it would probably be 2 1/2 - 3 years for me so even if I don't get them off in August before my birthday ( which is what I am really really hoping for because that will be like the best birthday present ever!) I'll probably get them off soon after that.

So after the orthodontist I went to my friends place who lives on residence. Then I went to the last pub of the year. It was carnival theme and it was fun and the best part about it? Was it was free! Ya, they had a clown doing balloon animals and free cotton candy. Free snow cones and popcorn  as well as free games that they were doing and a dance floor.  We ended up staying at my sisters house because it was the only place we could find to stay and we didn't go to bed till 2 am and we had 8am class the next day to. I really hope that they will be nice to us next year and give us a Friday off, or even back to the 10 am class, I use to complain that I had 10 am class on a Friday till I got an 8 am class the next semester. But for my 10 am class , I wouldn't end until 6 where as this semester I was done at 3.

Friday I went to residence to visit some other friends where the one has a new hamster...again . She returned the other one because it bit her but it's bound to happen. This one is just as cute only a little bit chubbier and a lot calmer. But I'll never forget you Harley :(Maybe I'll go in Petsmart and visit you one of these days. I'm to broke and lazy to have a pet right now or else I would so take you home with me (:

Anyways that's what went down the last couple of days, now it's Saturday and I have assignments I should be working on.

Toot a loo's  (:

- A -

Day 2 : My day so far

So my day is half way done and I know I said I would probably wait until tonight to write this but I feel like so much has already happened and I'm going to write now.  


So my pants that got soaking wet Monday, are now soaking wet again. Okay maybe soaking is being a little over the top but they are really wet. 


You see although my nephew is potty trained, he still needs help on the toilet when going number 2 if you know what I mean , so I helped him on the toilet and as I walked away to start lunch I felt something on the back of my leg, I could feel him peeing on me, I turned around and sure enough from the toilet he was peeing as he was trying to poop. I ran to stop him but what I should of done  was got out of his way. Sitting their in shock saying "ugh oh I'm peeing" he's getting me wet in the front. I wash my hands and changed him. Without me telling him he apologizes to me and I go let him play while I change. So that was part 1 of my fml day. Although I guess it could of been a worse FML moment and for all of you people who have NO idea what FML means, it stands for "Fuck My Life" because something uncool just happened.  Or something you don't like just happened to your life. 


Then I give him lunch and I have my lunch as I go to school to work on assignments since class got cancelled, and what happens? 


I lock my keys in the car! Ya, so I'm in the pouring rain, soaking wet calling my dad. He came picked me up , brought me to the car so I didn't have to walk in the rain and then brought me back up to the front of the school. So if your reading this dad , although I doubt you are, thank you :) you might drive me crazy sometimes but I still love ya :) <3


So that's what's happened so far. Now I'm at school going to work on my assignments and then tomorrow I'm going to St.Clair's last bash of the Year. It's free and the theme is "Carnival :) Should be fun (:


Bye for now 


- A- :) Ps. That's how Taylor Swift signs her Blogs, I thought it's cute so I decided to do the same because I love love love Taylor Swift :) She 's my favourite singer of all time :) Well apart from Shania Twain, I know she's retired and all but that girl is a legend. I still love listening to her music and one day I hope she goes on tour just for the heck of it so I can bring my mom and my sisters, since that's who we'd listen to in the car :)


Yes, I know I'm very random :)

Day 2 ..

I didn't write in here yesterday, I must of forgot or thought I did. I don't know but I guess I didn't.

So what did exactly happened yesterday? Well....

I had school of course but because I don't have  school on Monday's I always think that Tuesday is Monday and it really throws me off!

You'd also think that I'd be use to it but I'm still out of the loop because the last course I took was every day for 8 1/2 hrs sometimes 9 and then I go back to my old schedule and I'm still not use to it. I don't think I ever will but I guess it doesn't really matter because I'm almost done. Well sort of. I'll have exams soon and then I'll start back up with placement.

It's currently raining out which really sucks because I bought these really cute shorts yesterday because I need shorts and they were the cheapest pair I could find for a low price. 12$ Can you believe how much money shorts are these days. I can buy jeans cheaper then that. I guess I'll have to start going to Value Village.

I also saw my friends hamster again.  It's so cute :) and had my 2 hr classes back to back again.I don't like it because I feel so rushed but then again it does mean I get out earlier. It's just you get out, quickly eat something then go straight to your next class.

Well I don't really know what to say . I'll probably right again tonight after my day is done. I don't have class yet so I'm just in my bed writing this and then will go back to my assignments.

Bye Bye for now :)

- A-

Day 1 So about this boy...

So this might be it. This might be the year that I actually have a boyfriend, this might be the year when I turn 20 I won't be single and I mean a real boyfriend, because let's be honest here would you call dating a guy for 4 days in grade 9 count and then break up with him because you didn't like him anymore or dating a guy for what was it 2 weeks I think it was? I can't even remember anymore it was back when I was in grade 8 and he was in grade 10. I had met him through a friend at her birthday and ya long story short we decided to date. Oh and then how did I end things with him? Well I didn't. Ya, one day when he called I went to answer the phone and my mom told him it wasn't a good idea if he called here again. I could of ran upstairs and yelled at her or grabbed the phone or even call him back to apologize but I was to chicken.

So anyways that is the little story about my dating history, pretty dry right? So because of this, I have been left in the "unexperienced" category. Because this is how I look at it. You have the experienced, the non experienced, and then the experienced, experienced who are like at the top of the chain where they have done everything you can imagined.

But where am I ? At the bottom.But I would talk to guys, eventually though they would stop talking to me and I didn't know why or one of them in particular had a girlfriend. The sad part is, was that I believed him when he said "I'm just dating her because were trying to make each other's exes jealous but don't worry I plan on fighting her ex and then we will break it off but don't worry we aren't dating.

 It was close to the summer of 2010 and we had planned on meeting. I really liked him but I needed to know the truth so when they had broken up and after talking to him he had said that he wasn't going to fight her ex and they were just going to go their separate ways but I wanted to know the truth before I met him so I signed into my best friends Facebook account and messaged his so called fake 'girlfriend' and sure enough they had been dating. They had been going out for about 6 months before the broke it off. I was so mad and hurt, I messaged him but he never responded, he just deleted me off of everything. Now who knows what he's doing but don't really care but thanks to him it makes me hard to trust people, but this one I do trust him, of course there is still this little doubt in my mind but I'm trying to hide it and I'm going to always have it until we start dating and you best believing I'll be making it public on Facebook since I have never changed my status from being single to in a relationship. I have no reason to believe that he is seeing someone else. 

Anyways this is how it all began...

I started talking to him in mid December. I can't remember the exact date but it was somewhere around there. I was finishing up my classes and would be starting exams pretty soon.

We would talk everyday and I loved it. I had never talked to someone this much before and yet I wasn't getting bored of him. We were suppose to meet on a Wednesday and go skating downtown. I can't remember when it was but it was sometime during Christmas break. My sister had text ed me last minute looking for a babysitter. I couldn't turn her down and I could sure use the money.

So I ended up cancelling on him but he was understanding and it seemed like every Saturday we tried but it just wasn't working. 

Eventually my three weeks and his two weeks of Winter break was done and it was a new semester for both of us. Those 5 weeks before my next course would start was crazy. I had assignments up the wazoo and it was just crazy. They were all trying to get us ready for that course that's all. I did try to still hang with him but we managed to fit on hangout in. It wasn't a date and I didn't want it to be a date. It would make everything so nervous and this way if something great happened at the end, then great and if not that was okay because it was just two friends hanging out. But this was just kind of like a meet up. I was at the mall with two of my friends because I had homework that involved going to a public place and checking out the different advertisements. I remember this day, it was a Wednesday as well. We had gotten out of class early so we went. I had text ed him to see if he wanted to meet up and he said sure. We all talked in a group for about 30 minutes. I'm glad my friends didn't ditch me and leave us two alone because I think it would of been two nerve racking. Now after this, we started calling each other more and doing Skype chats. Skype chats were my favourite because I would always video call him and I could see him face to face sort of. It may sound creepy to some of you but to me it was nice, it made me feel closer to him like I was actually there talking to him but I wasn't so nervous. Kind of like baby steps. 

So then my course came and that was busy. You were gone all day and didn't come home till about after 5 sometimes 530 depending if you had errands to do. I also didn't have a phone at the time because I had no minutes and the screen was black all the time unless I constantly hit a button. 

So it was hard to talk. But because I kept me so busy, I didn't realize how bad it was for him until one day we were talking on Facebook chat. I had noticed that we had slowly stopped talking to one in other, like it was less and less and I asked  him if something was wrong, and out of all the things he had said to me that night, this is what stood out the most " It's like having an invisible girlfriend, I know were not even dating but still that's what it feels like." In that moment I just felt so happy because when I looked back on it, it was kind of like we were dating. Talking all the time, there for each other when we needed to just rant on about some thing. I let him know how busy things were and I wasn't sure if that was enough but I had guessed he talked to one of the  girls in my class. He knew her and she had even told him just give it time, things are really busy right now and I think that definitly helped. After all of that hard work was done, and I could finally breath (although I still had work ahead of me to do for my other classes) I could finally relax a bit. That Wednesday I was going to Windsor to buy a new cell phone before I had my hair appointment. I couldn't stand not having a phone and not being able to text him. To be honest, I bought that phone because of him. Well partly because of him. I probably could of gone longer without a phone but he was the main reason why I wanted to get it. 

That day I got my hair did and if I do say so myself I looked good ;) 

I went to the mall to get some things and then stopped off at my sister and niece's house. She's not really my sister but I think of her as my sister and she is like family to us. She only lives about 10 minutes away from him so that was good. I text ed him and sure enough he said he could hang and that he wasn't busy. By the time I got their it was probably 6pm or around there. When I knocked on his door he answered and told me to wait while he got his dog. His dog is adorable, and I love all animals but when I'm with him I feel like I'm playing with a kid and although he doesn't look like a puppy he is. A giant dog that is about 6 months old and apparently he will get bigger. 

So anyways we went for a walk, and we talked , after we went back to his house, he asked if I wanted to stay or leave, I told him I wanted to stay. So we sat outside since it had been such a nice day out and played with his dog as well as talked. Eventually I had to leave, I didn't want to but I had slept over at a friends house the night before, then came home so my mom could have the car and then when she came home I left. I said bye to his dog and then he gave me a nice big hug. It was just perfect. My head rested on his chest since He's 5'9'' and I'm only 5'0 . I left and couldn't stop smiling the whole way home, I had even went the wrong way, well I mean the longer way, but I was on cloud 9 for the first time that I didn't even care. The next day was St. Patricks day. I wanted to hang out with him again but we had both had plans. But the next day I was able to hang out with him again. This time we just hung out on his porch. He had been outside waiting for me. We after went for a walk with his dog and talked some more. After It was time for me to go, it was getting late and I was tired. Once again I said by to his dog and then bye to him. He gave me one of his perfect hugs again and then another one, I don't remember how long or how many times we hugged but I just remember embracing him constantly. He then kissed me on the head after hugging for a real long time . I then left, once again feeling so wonderful. I had never felt this way before and I loved it. I never wanted the feeling to go away. 

Then March Break was over and school started up again with 2 midterms on the Friday and a bunch of chapters to be read. 

But last Monday I was able to hang with him , Monday's I don't have school and so I went to his house while he had a break till his next class.

He had invited me in, which was a first. I took off my shoes and went to the basement where he was playing his video game. We talked a bit and the one thing that I meant to say to him I didn't. I wanted to let him know face to face that I had to take my one course over again and that it would probably be 5 weeks of not seeing each other, although I'm determined to be on top of things and hang with him every weekend :). 

So his dog had grabbed an empty water bottle and started to chew it. Me and him took turns throwing it until there wasn't much left of the bottle because he had chewed it so much. He then started throwing a ball for his dog and when he took the ball out of his mouth he would wipe it on my pants. During this some times his dog would stop and hop up on the couch with us and sniff and lick my side I am very ticklish and moved the dog away because I couldn't breath from laughing so much. 

We kept throwing the ball and once again he would wipe it on my pants. Eventually his dog was done playing fetch and went up stairs.  I hit him and told him that's what you get for wiping the ball on me. Of course my hit was a weak little thing because I didn't try my hardest, then he said do it again and see what happens." I was like fine, thinking he would tickle me again, because I so wanted him to touch me and not in a perverted way for all of you dirty minded people reading this, but just playful tickle me. 

Sure enough he did, he started to tickle me and I told him to stop laughing, although once again lets be honest here, I didn't really wanted to stop tickling me. 

He then leaned in and started kissing me, so I kissed him back, in my mind I kept thinking is this for real happening, I'm having my first kiss! I eventually told my concense  to shut up and just go with it, but as I kissed him I didn't feel anything like I was my lips were touching his , that's all. I was so dissapointed, and it wasn't like it was his fault he did nothing wrong in fact it was great, it wasn't to sloppy and his tongue didn't go inside my  mouth which is what I didn't want because I have braces and that's just a no no for me. But then other things began to happen to. I should of stopped him but didn't . Don't worry guys it didn't go like rated R but it did go from say PG to PG14 . His brother called to get picked up from school and I had called my mom to see when she wanted me home, she didn't care but I just said I had to go as well. I should of said I'm not ready for this but I didn't I thought I was ready and I think the reason why was because I was caught off guard. I just didn't think it would happen like that and so soon. I ended up texting him and told him. He was fine with that but once again I felt bad because I was so worried what he might think and didn't stand up for myself. That night was brutal. I couldn't get what happened off my mind. That night driving home I just wanted to cry because I felt so bad for not saying anything and I felt sick. 

 Call me chicken but I'm not ready. Having a boyfriend is like a job and for some newbies they might want to get right in there and do it and that's how I thought to that I was so ready for it but I guess I'm not. I'm ready for kissing but the rest I'm not. I just want to take things slower and were not even dating yet either so that's another reason why I don't want to move fast. When I'm ready I'll make the move ;)

So here's whats happening now. Were still good and were just talking when we can. He's so busy with studying for exams right now because he goes to the university and they're  exams are a week before ours because we have march break again and I'm so glad we had a March break because there was no way I wanted to jump right into school. I needed a break. We both can't wait for summer, hopefully we will be able to hang more and I'll be able to call him my boyfriend :) <3

Well that's my long ass story for you. All my friends are happy for me and are rooting that we do go out. I hope so to because I really really like him :) 

Day 1 So about school...

Kay so unfortunatly I had failed my one course and if I was just a little more organized and on top of things I would of passed for sure and it was by one mark which now thinking of it I'm like come on REALLY??!!  Any who, I have to re take it in May which is fine but that means all that hard work and effort I put in to I have to do all over again and for 5 weeks I won't have a life again.
Anyways that's why I will end in April but then when May rolls around I will have my course I will have to finish.

April 4th, 2011

Day 1 of my many blog entries to come. 

So today was good I guess, I had no school and I didn't have to babysit so I decided to go to work on some assignments at my school. I find I do better there but today was just busy.

 It didn't matter where I went there were students there and I mean of course it's college there's going to be people there but I mean there was no space or anywhere quiet to go except for the library. But it was too quiet there. I like the computer lab the best. It's got noise but not to much noise and I feel relaxed.

 I don't know it's hard to explain and I'm sure reading this makes me sound like a weirdo but I've already come to the conclusion that I am a weirdo since I decided to drive 25 minutes to a place where I don't have to be and work on homework. 

My friend Juan (wan is how you would pronounce it for those who have no idea) but I call him June or June bug it's my nickname for him since my friend Sondra, named him June because apparently for her Juan was too hard to remember and then well for me I just kind of started calling him June bug. Anyways back to my story, he took me to Starbucks which I have never been there before in my life which I guess means I lost my Starbucks virginity today. I didn't buy anything because well because I don't have the kind of money to waste it on pricey drinks.

 Anyways I am getting way off topic, so we went there and even at Starbucks there was like no where to sit but we managed to find a small table but I don't know if it was the awful music or just the atmosphere in general but I couldn't concentrate. So we went back to St.Clair ( that's my college) and just hung till he went to class oh and he skipped out of his first class to hang with me, he said it was his health class and didn't really want to go but I was not impressed that he did that but it's his education not mine if he wants to skip then fine. Sorry but because it's college I do not want to ever miss a class if I don't have to. 

Oh and then this morning he told me to go to Griff's (it's our pub) so I did and as he tried to grab my phone away so I wouldn't text Sondra because apparently he told her something about me that he didn't want me to know but I guess June Bug isn't hat bright of a bug because if he knows me and Sondra, then he knows we've been best friends for a long long time and she will tell me everything so even if you say oh "Don't tell Ashley" She's going to tell me.

 So ya he goes to grab my phone away and his arm knocked my water all over me, my shirt, shorts, bag, ya like everything. He is still trying to say that is was me that did it but I swear it was him and THEN he doesn't even go to the waitress to ask for a towel he makes me. I was not impressed and sure if it wasn't me I'd probably laugh and looking back I will probably laugh about it as well but when you are soaking wet with no change off clothes and its already raining outside to begin with so you can't go outside to air off and your searching for a bathroom with a blow dryer and you can't find one. Ya it's not funny. 

But then I had remembered that I had put on tights underneath my jeans and had brought my favourite sweater and my sweater was longer then my but which made me happy because I have this thing that if I wear tights then my top has to be covering my but. I cannot rock tights and not have  a shirt that's covering my ass. I just can't I don't like it on me nor do I like it on any one else I think it's gross. So ya that's been my day so far. It's almost 5pm so my day isn't exactly almost done but that is what has happened. 

Anyways I should probably get back to my homework. It'd be a smart thing to do. Pretty soon I'll be done my first year and at the same time I will be half way done my schooling, I know it's crazy. But once I'm done school in April but technically May (More on that in a different blog post.) I'll be able to see this boy more often :) <3 (once again more on him in a later blog to come.)