So anyways that is the little story about my dating history, pretty dry right? So because of this, I have been left in the "unexperienced" category. Because this is how I look at it. You have the experienced, the non experienced, and then the experienced, experienced who are like at the top of the chain where they have done everything you can imagined.
But where am I ? At the bottom.But I would talk to guys, eventually though they would stop talking to me and I didn't know why or one of them in particular had a girlfriend. The sad part is, was that I believed him when he said "I'm just dating her because were trying to make each other's exes jealous but don't worry I plan on fighting her ex and then we will break it off but don't worry we aren't dating.
It was close to the summer of 2010 and we had planned on meeting. I really liked him but I needed to know the truth so when they had broken up and after talking to him he had said that he wasn't going to fight her ex and they were just going to go their separate ways but I wanted to know the truth before I met him so I signed into my best friends Facebook account and messaged his so called fake 'girlfriend' and sure enough they had been dating. They had been going out for about 6 months before the broke it off. I was so mad and hurt, I messaged him but he never responded, he just deleted me off of everything. Now who knows what he's doing but don't really care but thanks to him it makes me hard to trust people, but this one I do trust him, of course there is still this little doubt in my mind but I'm trying to hide it and I'm going to always have it until we start dating and you best believing I'll be making it public on Facebook since I have never changed my status from being single to in a relationship. I have no reason to believe that he is seeing someone else.
Anyways this is how it all began...
I started talking to him in mid December. I can't remember the exact date but it was somewhere around there. I was finishing up my classes and would be starting exams pretty soon.
We would talk everyday and I loved it. I had never talked to someone this much before and yet I wasn't getting bored of him. We were suppose to meet on a Wednesday and go skating downtown. I can't remember when it was but it was sometime during Christmas break. My sister had text ed me last minute looking for a babysitter. I couldn't turn her down and I could sure use the money.
So I ended up cancelling on him but he was understanding and it seemed like every Saturday we tried but it just wasn't working.
Eventually my three weeks and his two weeks of Winter break was done and it was a new semester for both of us. Those 5 weeks before my next course would start was crazy. I had assignments up the wazoo and it was just crazy. They were all trying to get us ready for that course that's all. I did try to still hang with him but we managed to fit on hangout in. It wasn't a date and I didn't want it to be a date. It would make everything so nervous and this way if something great happened at the end, then great and if not that was okay because it was just two friends hanging out. But this was just kind of like a meet up. I was at the mall with two of my friends because I had homework that involved going to a public place and checking out the different advertisements. I remember this day, it was a Wednesday as well. We had gotten out of class early so we went. I had text ed him to see if he wanted to meet up and he said sure. We all talked in a group for about 30 minutes. I'm glad my friends didn't ditch me and leave us two alone because I think it would of been two nerve racking. Now after this, we started calling each other more and doing Skype chats. Skype chats were my favourite because I would always video call him and I could see him face to face sort of. It may sound creepy to some of you but to me it was nice, it made me feel closer to him like I was actually there talking to him but I wasn't so nervous. Kind of like baby steps.
So then my course came and that was busy. You were gone all day and didn't come home till about after 5 sometimes 530 depending if you had errands to do. I also didn't have a phone at the time because I had no minutes and the screen was black all the time unless I constantly hit a button.
So it was hard to talk. But because I kept me so busy, I didn't realize how bad it was for him until one day we were talking on Facebook chat. I had noticed that we had slowly stopped talking to one in other, like it was less and less and I asked him if something was wrong, and out of all the things he had said to me that night, this is what stood out the most " It's like having an invisible girlfriend, I know were not even dating but still that's what it feels like." In that moment I just felt so happy because when I looked back on it, it was kind of like we were dating. Talking all the time, there for each other when we needed to just rant on about some thing. I let him know how busy things were and I wasn't sure if that was enough but I had guessed he talked to one of the girls in my class. He knew her and she had even told him just give it time, things are really busy right now and I think that definitly helped. After all of that hard work was done, and I could finally breath (although I still had work ahead of me to do for my other classes) I could finally relax a bit. That Wednesday I was going to Windsor to buy a new cell phone before I had my hair appointment. I couldn't stand not having a phone and not being able to text him. To be honest, I bought that phone because of him. Well partly because of him. I probably could of gone longer without a phone but he was the main reason why I wanted to get it.
That day I got my hair did and if I do say so myself I looked good ;)
I went to the mall to get some things and then stopped off at my sister and niece's house. She's not really my sister but I think of her as my sister and she is like family to us. She only lives about 10 minutes away from him so that was good. I text ed him and sure enough he said he could hang and that he wasn't busy. By the time I got their it was probably 6pm or around there. When I knocked on his door he answered and told me to wait while he got his dog. His dog is adorable, and I love all animals but when I'm with him I feel like I'm playing with a kid and although he doesn't look like a puppy he is. A giant dog that is about 6 months old and apparently he will get bigger.
So anyways we went for a walk, and we talked , after we went back to his house, he asked if I wanted to stay or leave, I told him I wanted to stay. So we sat outside since it had been such a nice day out and played with his dog as well as talked. Eventually I had to leave, I didn't want to but I had slept over at a friends house the night before, then came home so my mom could have the car and then when she came home I left. I said bye to his dog and then he gave me a nice big hug. It was just perfect. My head rested on his chest since He's 5'9'' and I'm only 5'0 . I left and couldn't stop smiling the whole way home, I had even went the wrong way, well I mean the longer way, but I was on cloud 9 for the first time that I didn't even care. The next day was St. Patricks day. I wanted to hang out with him again but we had both had plans. But the next day I was able to hang out with him again. This time we just hung out on his porch. He had been outside waiting for me. We after went for a walk with his dog and talked some more. After It was time for me to go, it was getting late and I was tired. Once again I said by to his dog and then bye to him. He gave me one of his perfect hugs again and then another one, I don't remember how long or how many times we hugged but I just remember embracing him constantly. He then kissed me on the head after hugging for a real long time . I then left, once again feeling so wonderful. I had never felt this way before and I loved it. I never wanted the feeling to go away.
Then March Break was over and school started up again with 2 midterms on the Friday and a bunch of chapters to be read.
But last Monday I was able to hang with him , Monday's I don't have school and so I went to his house while he had a break till his next class.
He had invited me in, which was a first. I took off my shoes and went to the basement where he was playing his video game. We talked a bit and the one thing that I meant to say to him I didn't. I wanted to let him know face to face that I had to take my one course over again and that it would probably be 5 weeks of not seeing each other, although I'm determined to be on top of things and hang with him every weekend :).
So his dog had grabbed an empty water bottle and started to chew it. Me and him took turns throwing it until there wasn't much left of the bottle because he had chewed it so much. He then started throwing a ball for his dog and when he took the ball out of his mouth he would wipe it on my pants. During this some times his dog would stop and hop up on the couch with us and sniff and lick my side I am very ticklish and moved the dog away because I couldn't breath from laughing so much.
We kept throwing the ball and once again he would wipe it on my pants. Eventually his dog was done playing fetch and went up stairs. I hit him and told him that's what you get for wiping the ball on me. Of course my hit was a weak little thing because I didn't try my hardest, then he said do it again and see what happens." I was like fine, thinking he would tickle me again, because I so wanted him to touch me and not in a perverted way for all of you dirty minded people reading this, but just playful tickle me.
Sure enough he did, he started to tickle me and I told him to stop laughing, although once again lets be honest here, I didn't really wanted to stop tickling me.
He then leaned in and started kissing me, so I kissed him back, in my mind I kept thinking is this for real happening, I'm having my first kiss! I eventually told my concense to shut up and just go with it, but as I kissed him I didn't feel anything like I was my lips were touching his , that's all. I was so dissapointed, and it wasn't like it was his fault he did nothing wrong in fact it was great, it wasn't to sloppy and his tongue didn't go inside my mouth which is what I didn't want because I have braces and that's just a no no for me. But then other things began to happen to. I should of stopped him but didn't . Don't worry guys it didn't go like rated R but it did go from say PG to PG14 . His brother called to get picked up from school and I had called my mom to see when she wanted me home, she didn't care but I just said I had to go as well. I should of said I'm not ready for this but I didn't I thought I was ready and I think the reason why was because I was caught off guard. I just didn't think it would happen like that and so soon. I ended up texting him and told him. He was fine with that but once again I felt bad because I was so worried what he might think and didn't stand up for myself. That night was brutal. I couldn't get what happened off my mind. That night driving home I just wanted to cry because I felt so bad for not saying anything and I felt sick.
Call me chicken but I'm not ready. Having a boyfriend is like a job and for some newbies they might want to get right in there and do it and that's how I thought to that I was so ready for it but I guess I'm not. I'm ready for kissing but the rest I'm not. I just want to take things slower and were not even dating yet either so that's another reason why I don't want to move fast. When I'm ready I'll make the move ;)
So here's whats happening now. Were still good and were just talking when we can. He's so busy with studying for exams right now because he goes to the university and they're exams are a week before ours because we have march break again and I'm so glad we had a March break because there was no way I wanted to jump right into school. I needed a break. We both can't wait for summer, hopefully we will be able to hang more and I'll be able to call him my boyfriend :) <3
Well that's my long ass story for you. All my friends are happy for me and are rooting that we do go out. I hope so to because I really really like him :)
No comments:
Post a Comment