Day 9

Well hello, it's been a while but right now this is my life, farm, clean, me time, bed, and repeat. Me and boy are on much better terms. Story short I think he realizes how serious I am about this and I've definitely seen an improvement and for those who have no idea what I am talking about it probably sounds like I am trying to change him and that's not at all and I am too lazy to explain it all haha maybe another night but things are just perfect between us, well at this moment they are <3 .
Tonight's goal is to organize a calendar and figure out stuff because there are so many that want to hang with me and stuff I want to do and I want to hang with them to but I just need to see what days I'm free, I don't mean to sound like I am the shit if that's what your thinking like I have so many friends but there's about 9 people that I all want to hang out this summer and I am trying to make it work so I can hang with them all not necessarily at the same time but soon bc some I haven't seen in a long time and I feel bad but at the end of the night I am tired out and the work I do I don't even get paid a lot because it's on my parents farm but I don't want a job right now. I help out my sister so it's nice to know that she can get me whenever you know? And the other days I just work at the farm.
It's nice because this year my two Aunts and cousins are helping which I love because I have gotten to get close to them and not in that way but like I have never been that close to them. Family reunions have always been awkward it's like who do I talk to ? I don't know I get what I am trying to say and I guess that it's all that matters but it's been nice. It makes me enjoy what I am doing so much more but pretty soon strawberry season will be over and we won't need them anymore which makes me sad :( . But next time there s a family reunion I'll know who to talk to . :) I also plan on visiting them so that makes me happy. They've got a lot of really cool pets and I feel like this will only bring us closer and closer. It just makes me feel so happy inside. You know that feeling inside where at that moment life just seems so great and perfect?
Well I've got 9 more minutes lol until it's 9pm and then it's finish my friends graduation video that I'm putting together for her since I was the official video taper at her grad." lol Which also makes me happy because...
The boy has transferred to my school which makes me soo happy so when we get our schedules we'll have to show each others and stuff and his is a one year program so we will be graduating at the same time. :) <3
Well that's about it. I've got fireworks on Monday to go to with Sondra. Did I ever mention her? Well she and I have become really close ever since we started school together in September. She's in the same program as me and we had  met about a year and half before that and now we've been besties for over two years now.
I love that girl . I'm even trying to hook her up with the cousin. lol Or at least show him that there are other fish in the sea if you get what I am saying.
Anyways toot a loo's :)
- A -

Day 8

I'm back and I know chances are no one will ever read this but me but I'm fine with that. It's like my journal, except I really don't care if you read it. My life is crazy and there is always something happening. I've always got a story to tell.

So field placement is over and I got an A. I wrote to boy and the next day he responded. We had both agreed that we would just start fresh. I texted good morning but he responded that he was going back to bed so I said okay just text me later he said okay but did I hear from him? Of course not. I'm giving him a week which I think is beyond fair. I don't get it. Things were great and then slowly we started drifting. I tried to keep holding on but it's pretty hold to grab onto something when the other is not.

I'm not going to be the kind of girl who keeps trying. That's dumb. To me that just screams out needy and I am not. I don't need him. Do I want him? Yes, I thought he was amazing but now not so much. My friend was right. She said that he would just do this again and I really didn't think so but what the hell? Like ugh this really pisses me off. I don't want my summer to be of confusion but I still have no idea what the is going on between us. If I don't hear from him by this Friday then I am saying good bye. Like ugh I just want to smack him I'm so mad at him!

Ugh why can't I find a boyfriend! :( I'm not saying I need a boyfriend. I've been single for pretty much my whole life with a few boyfriends here and there but I'm at an age where I know who I am inside and out, I love myself for who I am and I am ready to share my life with someone. I really thought we had a shot but now not so sure.

Like is this how you would treat me if we were dating ? Because you don't ignore your girlfriend and I am not saying were dating but if you like someone aren't you suppose to show an interest?

Anyways I pretty much just talked about him the whole time but other then that life is going alright, got an A in field placement so that's great :)

I'll talk to you all later. T SWIFT this weekend!! :)

xo

- A -

Day 7

So it is now the end of May (May 20th). How crazy is that! I just finished my third week of field placement and am loving it for the most part. I've been staying on top of things and am in bed every night by 9 - 10pm.

Let's see what have you missed, hmm.....

Well I finished my exams and passed them all except for this one which I am almost done and am certain this time that I will.

Since field placement (that's what the course I am taking is called) has started I have talked to boy 3 times now or maybe it was only twice. Once was the Monday  I think it was of my 2nd week he had texted Miss you and then said going back to bed which wasnt really romantic if you ask me (like sweet) it was kind of like aww thanks ? I told him I would text him on my break and did. I told him that I missed him too and I only ignored him because he wasn't texting me back. I gave up on texting him if he wasn't going to respond. I didn't hear back from him so I said whatever. If he wants to talk to me he can find a way and he should know by now that if he isn't hearing back from me that means I texted but he never got it. He can call me or message me or something. I really do hope things happen between us, and if not I'll be bummed but hey what are you going to do, shit happens at least I say I tried but if nothing doesnt then what else is I let him be my first kiss and he knows that and he took that away and what did I get nothing.
I did however get a weakness. I was downtown for my friends birthday and I was by myself sitting down, I think about him all the time and I texted him hi but never heard from him so I wonder if he didn't get the text. I hope he didn't because I  need to be stronger then that. When my 5 weeks are done I'm going to message him because this way I know he'll get it like there's no way he can say I never got it and be like

"I'm done field placement but I don't want to be done with you. I don't want us to barely talk but instead I want it to go back to like December where we would all the time and I understand that your busy and I'm busy and there's a slim chance that we can do that but I'm sure there is a chance we can still talk. I don't want to keep doing this, I get a text from you and it's the best thing ever and I'll text you back and you don't respond and if your not getting it then find another way to talk back to me. I miss texting you every morning when I get up, I miss talking to you I miss your pokes and your hugs :( Now that I am done and can finally start my summer I need to know what is happening to us. If you have no intention of seeing me and where things can go then just let me go now so I can move on. You said you will tell me that if you don't want to hang with me or talk to me then you'll say that but the thing is I never hear from you. This is not what I thought things would come between us and it has.

It's going to go a little something like that and he will be going to my school in September which I love but I wont if he doesn't talk to me and if something does happen between us and he does come to my school, I'll feel like the luckiest girl in the world. <3

This is probably super long just like my first ones but that's because I haven't typed on this in forever!  It hasn't been a priority but now that this is coming to an end and summer vacation is starting I'm sure there will be more to come. Anyways I'm going to bed now. It's 930 and I'm exhausted.

Oh and apparently the world is suppose to die tomorrow. I don't believe that but there is always this paranoia . I might die a virgin but at least I can say that I've been kissed lol. Apparently god is choosing those he wants to go to heaven and then the rest he will torture till October.

So I guess we will see. It's also my nieces birthday tomorrow, the one who will be 15. Ya the one I don't see anymore. Ya that one. Joy -_- But I'm going to email her.

Anyways peace I'm going to sleep for sure this time I'm not just saying it.

- A-

Day 6

So once again it's been forever since I have written here and it just hasn't been a priority.

I have my first exam starting tomorrow and my last one starting Thursday.
So ya life has been pretty crazy and next week I start field placement as well.

Oh I was on television for our school's "vote mob" they told us to dress in our Canadian colour's and show our Canadian pride (:  ( haha you can't see right now but it say's I'm spelling colour wrong and it's like sorry spell check but I am Canadian and therefore we spell it like colour and not color like collar because were Canadian and there fore we rock (:

But ya I'm on TV and I don't really make sense but that's because they caught  me off guard and no one was saying anything but I know I made my professor's proud and I bet it'll look good on our exam for an extra bonus mark ;)

tehehe

anyways I have to be up at 6 so I'm going to sleep now (:

good night and sweet dreams (:

Oh and happy Easter to those who celebrate it.
The Easter bunny didn't show up to our house this year unfortunately but we did have our Easter dinner.

Anyways now I am going to bed, for sure this time,

- A-

Day 5

Hey yall,
The last couple of days have kinda been crazy. Great things have happened but so have some well not so great.

What should we start with, the good or the bad ?
Ah lets get the bad out of the way.

Well last Monday I was suppose to go to court to stand as a witness for my brother, because I've been supervising his visits with his daughter my niece.  I really don't want to go to into detail into it, it's just stupid is what this whole situation is that and lies. My brother is a great dad and she's his whole world but now she doesn't want to see him and I have a good feeling that her mother is behind all of this but the lawyer said that it doesn't matter if she doesn't want to see you then there is nothing he can do about it and the thing I don't get either is he still has to pay child support. RIDICULOUS! 3 more years though that's all he has but were still going to her skating competitions , no one can stop us from doing that unless they get a restraining order on us but can they do that for a whole family? I just find it hard to believe that all of a sudden she just wants to cut him and the rest of his family out of her life.

On a happier note..
I got perfect on all of the assignments handed back to me on Friday which is a first, made me feel so great except for one I got an 8 out of 10 but still that's awesome, I felt so good because I never get that high of a mark. I couldn't stop smiling (:

Ya so I'm not giving up, one day she'll wake up and realize that she's only hurting herself and I'll get my best friend back, okay she wasn't like my best friend because I wouldn't tell her everything about my social life but we were definitely close and I know she looked up to me.

I never knew my dad (I'm adopted, can't remember if I told you that but I am) he was never a part of my life, I don't even know what he looks like I just have a name that's about it so she should be happy that he want's to be in her life .

Peace I'm hungry and then I'm going back to working on assignments.

- A -

Day 4

So today was cool I guess, I felt like we really didn't do a lot of work in my classes today but it was still interesting. In my first class we talked about sexuality and all that fun stuff ( and I'm not being sarcastic :) )
and then we had guest speakers come into our other class which I happened to know one of the people. I asked my professor "Is that so and so?! " and she looked at her paper and she s like yes and I'm like I know her and so she s all like go say hi so I did and we chatted a bit before class then as everyone sat down she said "We even have a student that knows you, she was so excited as if you were Justin Beiber or something?" Haha not even close. I was happy to see her but if it was Justin Beiber I would of definitely been a little more excited. Yes that's right I have the Beiber fever and know I don't have a crush on him , he reminds me of a 12 year boy but he's got good songs. (:

So that was my day oh and I found out my one assignment is due next week not next so it gives me a ncie little break and can work on other important things  and play the piano. I'm starting back into that again and when I mean play I know the notes on the piano like where they are located and how to read music  but thats it I'm starting to do chords but I don't think my hands will ever be able to move in two different places and they are just to small to reach for the 7ths I think they are where it's you go 7 notes up from where you are. But ya so I'm going back to work now.

Toot a loos :)

- A -

Day 3 : What a day

Hey everyone, when I say what a day, I don't mean that is was so fantastic today or that it was so horrible today or even that I did so many things today, when I say "What a day" I mean weather wise. 


Right now it is so hot in my room, and it's always like this but I feel like today it has been extra hot. Right now I'm on the verge of sweating. It was so nice out today that maybe that's why it's so extra warm in here then usual. It's crazy to think that about 11 days ago  it was snowing out and today we had 70 degree weather. Now that's the kind of weather I like. The kind where you can wear shorts and a t shirt and feel warm but not gross disgusting humid so hot kind of weather. 


Last night my nephew slept over and we put up a tent in my living room. I slept alright although  he probably slept better then I did. A couple of times he was sleeping on me or had is arm around me and I just felt claustrophobic. I don't like it when people are all up in my space when I sleep, I need to be by myself lol. (Laugh out loud for all of you small percentage out their that don't know what it means or for me so when I look back on this and go what the frick or wtf for short is lol? ) 


I got most of what I needed to get done , done. I still have to work on my one report and finish my other. I have to go to court this week as a witness but fortunately I don't know when and I wish I did because it's totally screwing with me because I don't know when I'll have time to get the stuff done I need to get done.  


Well I'm going to keep it short, I  feel like when I'm not doing homework that I get all stressed because I should be doing homework, ever since field placement I've been getting this feeling that I should be doing something 24/7 and shouldn't be taking a break, well I mean for sleep of course but other than that I shouldn't be. 


So ya I'm going to bed, I'm hoping that the trial is tues so I miss school and it doesn't inturupt the rest of my time.